The British Are Coming!! Well, Maybe After a Good Night’s Sleep

Two postings in less than a fortnight; I never cease to astound myself. Consider yourselves, my loyal readership, among the propitious to have such a convivial relationship with the author. Would that we all could enjoy such fortune, our lives would be endlessly auspicious.

I’ll cease my meanderings and get to the point. I would like to hereby make this formal announcement that I will no longer be toiling whenever I am too tired to do so. There is precedent set for this behavior and, should anyone object, I will direct them posthaste to the following story which I shall relay to you now.

As if travel via the not so friendly skies doesn’t provide enough entertainment for us all, consider the British Airways flight from New Delhi to London that was delayed 13 hours because the pilots and crew hadn’t slept well the night before. Huh? Nary a night passes that I do not lie awake, contemplating how to pay for the years from diapers to college, as well as my beautiful bride’s frequent target trips (she comes by it genetically) leaving me tired and distressed by morning. Yet, dutifully, I show up to work each day and muddle through my responsibilities. I have never stopped a customer obligation from going forward because I didn’t sleep well the night before. We have reached a whole new level of asininity. The article stated that airport officials reported the “pilot felt sleepy” and the “whole crew had a disturbed night”. To perpetuate the travesty, and I am not making this up, the airline attempted to book the 210 passengers into separate hotel rooms but when the hotel ran out of rooms, passengers were forced to double up! When asked about his accommodations, one hapless traveler said, “There’s a lot of anger and outrage here. I had to share a double bed with a man I had never met!” That’s where I check out. I can’t even share a double bed with my lovely wife and get decent sleep…sharing one with a total stranger would scar me for life, if I even made it to the next morning. What if they checked me in with an axe murderer; or worse, a Democrat? The liability to the airline is illimitable.

After hearing of this though, I have decided that what’s good enough for the Redcoats is good enough for me and therefore, I have compiled a list of things I will not do if I “feel sleepy” or “if I have a disturbed night”:
1. Under no circumstances can I be expected to perform my current job responsibilities. I spend a lot of time on the computer and I might nod off at my desk, causing great bodily harm and damage to company property when I bludgeon my cranium on the computer screen.
2. I cannot be expected in anyway to help get dinner on the table. There are far too many hazards associated with setting out table knives, opening and closing cabinets, etc. for me to feel comfortable assisting in my enervated state.
3. It is out of the question to put down the toilet seat after use if I am slumberous. The distinct possibility exists I may drop it on my hand, causing devastating injury.
4. Taking out the trash is a near impossibility. If I should happen to drowse off while pushing the trash can to the street, I might wander into traffic and be horrifically maimed.
5. It is beyond the realm of possibility that I could change a diaper while feeling a bit somnolent. Were I to fasten up the diaper with young Samuel’s hand in the waistband, he could be permanently damaged and functionally impaired.

My outlook on life is completely changed and I owe it all to the Brits. I no longer will undertake to carry out any responsibility while in a sleep deprived state. It’s no wonder the Brits won’t stop to give you the time of day…they’ve all had a "disturbed" night for the last 230 years, thinking about the one that got away. Until next time…I’ll be sleeping it off…