The Demise of An American Icon

When last I mused, my beautiful bride and I had welcomed our son into the world and were settling in as new parents. Now, four weeks later, I find myself immeasurably suited for raising an infant. The rigidity of Sam’s schedule, as well as the predictability of his actions, reminds me of my own personality and life. I have embraced this schedule, perhaps more so than he. It’s a beautiful thing…we’re raising a Type A child before he has a chance to develop any other personality traits. A striking similarity between father and son: he keeps his little brow in a perpetual furrow, as if worried about how Dad’s going to pay for diapers, clothes, and college even as Dad is worrying about those very same things. Yes, we are doing very well.


I went to the post office to pick up a package the other day and subsequently spawned this musing: what has happened United States Postal Service (USPS)? I rarely go to the post office anymore because it usually represents the low point in my day but I have never seen such a customer un-friendly, apathetic group of government employees in my life! Now I realize they are government employees and I am fully aware that our government bears striking similarity to that old rusty car parked in your front yard…it used to look sharp and run well. When you moved it into the front yard, you had every intention of restoring it to its former greatness but it’s been up on blocks so long that no amount of money is worth spending to fix it now. Your wife just wants you to get rid of it but you can’t bear to part with it because you remember what it used to be.

The USPS is a joke. It seems the cost of stamps increases every year yet, in every facet of their business, the USPS operates less efficiently than the year before. As stated, I went to pick up a package. I was second in the “package pick up line” but waited for ten minutes before it was my turn to have the lone “package retrieval employee” search for what seemed like an eternity for my certified letter. One would think, at bare minimum, the frequent increase in stamp prices would at least buy some better package organization and one extra “package retrieval employee” during busy times. Gone are USPS sanctioned vehicles delivering the mail. What has replaced them is, like the college students on my block, a menace to the streets. People driving one handed from the passenger side of their personal vehicle sort through the mail with their “free” hand while trying to negotiate their way through a maze of cars parked on the side of the street. Sound safe? If I drove from the passenger side of my vehicle, I’d be arrested. The Transportation Administration (another broken government entity) spends countless taxpayer dollars a year on automobile safety yet they sanction this safety debacle? If you ever ask USPS to hold your mail while you are on vacation, you can be sure to receive all of your junk mail advertisements, as well as some of your neighbor’s but nothing else. Bills, magazines, letters, etc. just disappear in the abyss of the post office back room.

If we must be forced to embrace this inefficient money pit then I only ask one thing: change your motto. "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds” no longer seems appropriate. I propose the following: “snow, rain, heat, gloom of night and countless other debilitating factors shall keep these couriers from accomplishing their appointed rounds and duties properly, correctly and in an expeditious fashion”. Until next time, Happy Thanksgiving!!