The Truth About Christmas

I’ve spent the last 6 months writing periodically and with great cynicism and sarcasm about life, experiences I have had, and things with which I have had contact. I want to step away from that for a moment, during this Christmas season, and offer some hope. It’s not my usual posting, but I hope you find equally as compelling; I know I do.

It was undoubtedly a cold, dark, night in Bethlehem some 2,000+ years ago that an amazing event occurred that would forever change the world. Born to a virgin, in a stable, was a Child who would alter the course of history. Now, this stable wasn’t the cute little manger scene with fresh hay you have on your fireplace mantle. Think Texas Panhandle feed lot, and you are a lot closer to reality. Yet, in this supremely humble place, in a supremely humble state, came a King who supremely reigns forever and ever. That night, our lives were forever impacted because a Savior was born, One who once and for all could settle the debt we owe for the sins we have committed.

This King’s birth wasn’t like any other King’s birth. There were no sterile hospital rooms, smiling nurses, and excited friends. There were no royal ceremonies, feasts, and celebrations. No, there were lowly sheep herders who came in from the fields to pay their respects and the ever present smell of livestock. When I think of the births of children today, with all the gifts and baby showers and celebration, I am humbled to think that the King of all creation was barely noticed by man as He came to this earth. Yet His purpose for coming to earth was to offer that same man who failed to notice Him hope and salvation.

There are so many things going on at this time of the year, so many distractions: decorating, gift exchanging, fellowship with family and friends. Make time this year to pause and read Luke 2. Take time to stop and be amazed at the grace of God, who sent His Son, His only Son, to the world that Christmas night for the sole purpose of dying on the cross and making atonement for our sins. We often see Christ as the baby in the manger but that was so minor a part of why He came to earth. Focus your heart on the great gift which we have been given, and for which we are so completely undeserving, and offer gratitude and thanks to the Father in heaven that His love for us was so great, He sent Christ to be our sacrifice.

It truly is a wonderful time of year, but not for all the generally accepted reasons. No, it is wonderful for one reason and one reason only: the hope of salvation. Without Christmas and what it represents, our lives have no meaning and our future has no hope. Remember that this season, and offer thanks to God for all He has done for us, and most importantly for His Son, our hope and our salvation. “Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!! (2 Corinthians 9:15 NASB) May you have a blessed Christmas!!!

Ho, Ho, Ho...Happy, Junk Filled Holidays!!

I am not a Scrooge. Really, sweetie, I’m not. Promise. I love Christmas and everything it stands for…traffic, incessant bell ringing, standing in long shopping lines, buying gifts, spending money, buying more gifts, spending more money, wondering if I should get someone a gift because they are getting me a gift…it’s a wonderful time of year. And perhaps my favorite tradition of all (well, other than that whole mistletoe thing) is the white elephant gift exchange.

In any given year, I attend at least 4 of these exchanges. It was actually worth it for my wife to stop teaching so I could attend one less exchange. White elephant gift exchanges are nothing more than an excuse to unload your household junk on some unsuspecting sap in the name of fun and humor. Well, except for my gift. You see, for 30 years I showed up with a $10-15 gift certificate, movie pass, or some other valuable asset to add to the gift pile and perpetually went home with baby food, a partially used roll of toilet paper, pocket nose hair trimmer, or some other worthless “gift”. Worse yet, 9 times out of 10 the person who brought the used roll of toilet paper, which cost them nothing, went home with my $15 gift certificate! Now, I know life’s not fair, but there is also no reason for me to participate in something whereby I intentionally subject myself to a losing proposition. It’s like telling junior high nerd (JB) who always gets picked on to wear a cardigan sweater and tight rolled jeans and part his hair down the middle at the next junior high dance. Lose, lose all the way around.

So, I learned my lesson and changed my approach…I bring junk. And not just any junk, but the worst possible junk I can find. I figure for 30 years of bringing a $15 gift, times 4 parties per year…that’s $1,800 plus inflation…I’ve got a lot of junk to bring to make up for all that money I’ve spent. I bring old cassette tapes, weeds, lawn clippings, g-strings, anything I can find around the house. Costs me nothing and I get hours of enjoyment seeing someone else, who brought at $15 Starbucks gift card, go home with my gently worn g-string laying on a bed of old grass clippings. It’s awesome!! But for my lovely bride’s putting her foot down, someone at the last exchange we attended would have gone home with two dead birds, feathers and all, I have stored in the freezer. Ho, ho, ho. Happy stinkin’ holidays!

So the next time you get that invitation to the annual white elephant exchange, remember…what goes around comes around and if I’m in attendance, it’s going to come around with fearsome ferocity of an agitated white elephant. I’ve got thirty years of pent up frustration, I’m looking for a few good laughs to settle the score. And, oh, by the way, grass clippings make excellent mulch for your spring garden. You can even wear the G-string while you’re spreading them about. Merry Christmas!!

All I Want for Christmas...

It’s a wonderful time of year, the trees, the snow, the ice, the traffic accidents…the smell of egg nog with extra nog, wafts towards my frost bitten nose…and everywhere, a blizzard of ”Benjamin’s” into open cash drawers reminds me…drat, I need to get busy shopping. What should I get for all those people on my list? How about a mullet? Huh?

That’s what I thought when I heard this story earlier this week. A 100 year-old lady for her 101st birthday wanted to run her fingers through the mullet of her favorite home town hockey star in Edmonton, Alberta (Canada for those of you weak in geography). Now, I will submit to you that after 101 birthdays, you may have a hard time thinking of gifts you want but running my fingers through someone’s mullet, even someone famous, would be second to last on my list, right after a private viewing of Grease and just before being buried alive.

Which caused me to muse about mullets? Oft described as “business in the front, party in the back”, the Great North American Mullet, known as GNAM, is a species unto its own. The result of a strange genetic mutation following an accidental home hair cut mishap, the GNAM has thrived in mainly three North American environments: south of the Mason-Dixon Line, the arctic environment of professional hockey and, quite successfully I might add, NASCAR. This species of mullet gestates quickly and comes in all sexes, ages, shapes, and sizes. The GNAM typically reproduces in the optimum environment of non-permanent residential structures…‘er…mobile homes. As the population of humans in North America has increased, the GNAM has struggled to co-exist and hence, you should remain on high alert when patronizing such populous places as Wal-Mart (a good friend of mine is several months Wal-Mart free and he’s the smartest one of us all). It is best when faced with a GNAM to hide small children behind you, placing yourself between your child and the terrifying GNAM. Quickly load the family in the car and drive away immediately, taking great care to not look directly into GNAM’s eyes, lest you be mesmerized, freeze and thereby suffer grave and permanent injury.

Seriously, mullets? I’m not sure where they came from, or how they became popular (maybe my wife can move this to the top of her research paper pile) but something must be done about them. And that “something” begins with NOT GIVING THEM AS GIFTS!! Now, I know everyone’s Christmas list has one person who is hard to buy for but, really, even if you are a 101, won’t a Luby’s gift card suffice? No one and I mean NO ONE needs a mullet. And just in case any of you had a hare-brained idea…yes, my birthday is coming up this month and no, I don’t want a mullet!!! The first one of you that gives me one won’t like what you get back in return…mark my words.

I’ll leave you with this free advice: next hair cut tell your barber “business in the front AND back, you’ll find the party somewhere else”. Until next time…